Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
