he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
