Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
In America we eat man semen.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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