I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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