The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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