You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
