I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
