I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
