I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
A bitchslap is in order.