Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
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just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!