I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
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So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
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This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.