Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
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I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
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Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now