and she was petting her beer can
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
