i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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