Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
