I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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