Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
