U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
