You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
please come you make the beer taste better
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
