You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
