The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
