Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize