I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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