Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
