so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
