just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize