i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
