Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
