I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
