what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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