I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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