toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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