Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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