i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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