I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
