well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
