Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
