If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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