ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
