listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
