actually, I'm a sock model
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
