I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
