its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
