I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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