You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
