shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
