Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize