I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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