I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
