It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
