it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
