from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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