he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
