Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
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