Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
