I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
