So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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