It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
