You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
