What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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