i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
