Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish you could order shots online.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
