All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
