I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize