I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
