I am in a vortex of obligation.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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