would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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