I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
