pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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