We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
