We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
